1 00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:24,580 Neil was about to turn 18, and to celebrate this landmark, his mum was 2 00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:25,820 buying him an early grave. 3 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,060 What do you think? 4 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,920 Best present ever. 5 00:00:29,380 --> 00:00:31,220 Mate, you're going to hoover up the snatch on that. 6 00:00:31,420 --> 00:00:31,979 I know. 7 00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:33,920 Can't wait to get this cast off and go for a burn. 8 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:37,320 Does your mum always buy you gifts this extravagant? Not really, but it's for me 9 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:38,780 18th, isn't it? And she did run off. 10 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,880 Why are you getting a bite when you've already got a car? 11 00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:42,139 Motorbike's a cooler. 12 00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:43,640 Until you hit a bus and kill yourself. 13 00:00:43,980 --> 00:00:47,120 Oh, don't listen to Captain Sensible here. It's the ultimate clunge magnet. 14 00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:50,550 It's a well-known fact, if you can get a bird on the back of one of these, they 15 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,390 just cream their knickers because of the vibration. 16 00:00:52,730 --> 00:00:53,730 Is it? Yeah. 17 00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:56,110 That's why there are no female superbike champions. 18 00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:59,490 They all get too horny and have to stop and fud themselves off all the time. 19 00:00:59,690 --> 00:01:02,930 Neil, how on earth is Jay allowed to ride your bike back without a licence or 20 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:05,570 insurance? Don't shit your pants health and safety. 21 00:01:05,870 --> 00:01:08,790 Neil can't do it because of his arm, and the dealer's happy for me to take it 22 00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:09,790 because I used to be a stunt rider. 23 00:01:10,250 --> 00:01:11,250 It rhymes with stunt. 24 00:01:11,490 --> 00:01:15,390 Well, we know that's bollocks. Is it? Cos I can show you a DVD of me leaping 25 00:01:15,390 --> 00:01:17,170 over five lorries on Blue Peter, if you like. 26 00:01:17,390 --> 00:01:19,710 Oh, wow, did you make it into the Guinness Book of Fictional Records? 27 00:01:20,050 --> 00:01:20,789 Fuck off. 28 00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:23,310 I don't think Tara would be happy if I got one of these. She thinks they're 29 00:01:23,310 --> 00:01:24,310 death traps. 30 00:01:25,110 --> 00:01:27,130 Oh, time for another Tara update. 31 00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:28,348 What's that supposed to mean? 32 00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:32,010 Nothing. Just because no-one cares what Tara says or does, don't let that stop 33 00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:33,570 you from mentioning her every 40 seconds. 34 00:01:34,150 --> 00:01:35,710 Don't be a dick, I don't mention her that much. 35 00:01:35,910 --> 00:01:38,070 You do, mate. Oh, pardon me for having a girlfriend. 36 00:01:41,149 --> 00:01:42,149 Who's taking it back then? 37 00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:43,270 I am. 38 00:01:43,410 --> 00:01:45,170 And you say you're used to motorbikes? Of course. 39 00:01:45,550 --> 00:01:47,010 Dad used to drink with Lance Armstrong. 40 00:01:47,730 --> 00:01:48,730 What, the cyclist? 41 00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:50,490 Er, yeah. 42 00:01:51,330 --> 00:01:54,150 Right, well, up on, I'll just show you the basics in case it's different from 43 00:01:54,150 --> 00:01:55,048 what you've ridden before. 44 00:01:55,050 --> 00:01:56,050 Yeah, can do. 45 00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:58,170 These are the gears, these are the brakes. 46 00:01:58,470 --> 00:01:59,470 And they're for stopping, right? 47 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,130 Yeah, I presume you want to stop. 48 00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:02,750 Maybe. 49 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,330 Do you need me to show you that again? 50 00:02:04,890 --> 00:02:05,950 No, no, it's all right. 51 00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:07,350 You never forget. 52 00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:09,389 It's like riding a bike, isn't it? 53 00:02:21,150 --> 00:02:25,790 I think he's used to left-hand drive. 54 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:30,310 If James' bike riding skills weren't quite as good as he'd claimed, his 55 00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:33,810 ability to brazen it out was unparalleled. I should fucking sue him. 56 00:02:33,850 --> 00:02:34,930 Those tyres had no grip. 57 00:02:35,190 --> 00:02:38,050 They don't tend to grip so well when they're up in the air. Oh, my God, that 58 00:02:38,050 --> 00:02:39,750 is amazing. You look such a knob. 59 00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:40,990 What about your bike, Neil? 60 00:02:41,130 --> 00:02:43,750 I know, the way he said he could ride it and then he fell off and put his head 61 00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:46,550 straight through that door. It's got to be the funniest thing I've ever seen. 62 00:02:47,030 --> 00:02:48,990 No, I meant, what are you going to do about your bike? 63 00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:51,490 It's not only still in Gillingham, it's now fucked. 64 00:02:51,770 --> 00:02:52,770 Oh, no! 65 00:02:53,010 --> 00:02:55,290 So that's your mum's gift destroyed. What's your dad getting you? I'm getting 66 00:02:55,290 --> 00:02:57,490 a party on Friday, aren't I? You mean you're having a party? 67 00:02:57,730 --> 00:03:00,310 No, I'm getting a party for me 18th. The party, that's my present. 68 00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:03,920 Ha! You've got to be fucking joking, that's it. Why is that funny? 69 00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:07,420 Well, I'm just saying, and no offence, mate, but a pike around your house is 70 00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:10,780 the pikiest 18th present I've ever heard of. Leave it at, he's not got that much 71 00:03:10,780 --> 00:03:11,780 money at the moment. 72 00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:14,560 Oh, what, spend it all on butt plugs, has he? No, because he already owns 73 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,880 every single one in the world. Yeah, brilliant, well done. 74 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,800 So who's coming then, Neil? Oh, it's mostly family, but I'm allowed to invite 75 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:21,579 ten friends. 76 00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:24,920 Ten? Oh, that's generous, considering you haven't got ten friends. Fuck off. 77 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,400 All right, then, who are you going to ask? Well, I... Oh, shit. 78 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,640 I'm not going to get ten people to come along. 79 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,180 Well, just tell them your sister's going to be naked and your dad's promised not 80 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:34,939 to bum them. 81 00:03:34,940 --> 00:03:37,440 Behave. Oh, can I ask Tara to see what she's up to? 82 00:03:37,740 --> 00:03:39,540 Yeah, nice one. Has she got any fit mates? 83 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,440 I bet so. I'm going to meet one of them after school tomorrow. 84 00:03:41,780 --> 00:03:43,640 I thought we went to Waterside tomorrow, to the cinema. 85 00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:44,939 Yeah, we are. 86 00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:46,440 But Tara and Kerry are coming too. 87 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,600 Oh, I'm well up for that. Yeah, I need to go to Waterside anyway. I'm nearly 88 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,379 out of pants. 89 00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:52,200 You two aren't invited? It's like a double date. 90 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:53,480 Whoa! What? 91 00:03:53,620 --> 00:03:54,620 I didn't agree to this. 92 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:55,840 Oh, come on, Will. 93 00:03:56,039 --> 00:03:59,060 Apparently Kerry's been having a bit of a tough time recently. And Tara thinks 94 00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:01,160 YouTube would get on really well. So I said you'd be cool. 95 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,820 Yes, but... A date's quite a big thing. 96 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,680 I mean, do you know what she looks like? I've not seen her, but Tara says she's 97 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:08,700 amazing and gorgeous. 98 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:11,420 I bet she's a right dog. Just cos you're not invited? 99 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,680 Nah, she said girls always think their mates are really fit, and then when you 100 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:15,920 meet them, they look like a pulp scratching. 101 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,560 To be fair, Tara's pretty spot-on about most things. This conversation is 102 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,640 specifically about Tara! 103 00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:24,360 At best, I reckon this Kerry's a mid-level munter. I'm sure she's not. 104 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:25,880 Honestly, Will, Tara says she's fit. 105 00:04:26,380 --> 00:04:29,780 Plus, and I probably shouldn't even tell you this, but apparently, Kerry's given 106 00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:31,340 her last three boyfriends blowjobs. 107 00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:35,360 Seriously? Yep. Well, why didn't you say? What time were you meeting then? 108 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,520 Because I didn't own a tracksuit, I'd never seen the appeal of hanging out in 109 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,840 a shopping centre. But while Simon and Tara explored the deepest recesses of 110 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:46,100 each other's mouths, I was on a date with a girl who gave out blowjobs, so 111 00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:48,860 things were looking up. And by things, I mean me. 112 00:04:50,610 --> 00:04:52,650 This is fun. Fun double date. 113 00:04:53,190 --> 00:04:56,230 We're just shopping. Yeah, but after that we're going to watch the new Saw 114 00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,490 film. That's like a date. 115 00:04:57,770 --> 00:05:00,070 Oh, yeah. I might not make that, actually. 116 00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:01,330 You're not scared, are you? 117 00:05:01,550 --> 00:05:03,410 No, I'm just not very good with blood. 118 00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:06,950 It's not real, Will. Yes, Simon, thank you. I am aware of how cinema works. 119 00:05:07,310 --> 00:05:10,770 Any blood makes me feel queasy. I'm the same. I don't like blood. 120 00:05:10,970 --> 00:05:12,970 Once I saw some and I didn't like it. 121 00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,970 Right. You two are so alike. 122 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,339 Are we? 123 00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:18,340 Most people don't like blood. 124 00:05:18,540 --> 00:05:19,479 Yeah, you are. 125 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,840 Anyway, I saw the best outfit for Simon here. 126 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,480 We went for a long night. I knew you two. Hang out. 127 00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:28,020 Wait, I'll come with you and... Oh, right. 128 00:05:32,260 --> 00:05:33,360 I like your glasses. 129 00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:35,020 Thanks. 130 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,040 Do you need them to see better? 131 00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:38,500 Yes. 132 00:05:38,980 --> 00:05:42,420 So as I heard it carry off, Simon was discovering that it wasn't just Tara's 133 00:05:42,420 --> 00:05:44,000 boyfriend, it was also her project. 134 00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:47,090 Are we going to be looking around much longer? It's just my feet are really 135 00:05:47,090 --> 00:05:48,630 hurting. Oh, my God! 136 00:05:48,950 --> 00:05:49,950 There it is. 137 00:05:50,630 --> 00:05:52,770 You would look so cute in that. 138 00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:54,850 Yeah, the shirt's sort of nice. 139 00:05:55,130 --> 00:05:56,330 Not just the shirt, the whole thing. 140 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,790 Really? Do you think? Why are you looking at this? 141 00:05:59,130 --> 00:06:00,089 I think it's great. 142 00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:02,790 It's so great, isn't it? I was just saying, you'd look really good in it. 143 00:06:02,890 --> 00:06:04,010 He'd look really good in it. 144 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,440 Not the cardigan, though. 145 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,620 Especially the cardigan and the bow tie. 146 00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:09,060 Oh, the bow tie is amazing. 147 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,240 You should try it on. How are you suddenly so involved? Oh, yes, please, 148 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,080 just try it on. We don't have to buy it. 149 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:15,740 But I'm going to look exactly like the dummy. 150 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,200 Please, for me. 151 00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:19,040 Do you not think you look weird? 152 00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:20,300 Please! 153 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,420 God, all right, for you, but not for him. 154 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,340 She's a bit precious, isn't she? 155 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,100 It was a mark of how desperate Simon was to lose his virginity that he was 156 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,920 willing to let Tara dress him up like an eccentric posh child. 157 00:06:33,859 --> 00:06:34,859 Oh, my God. 158 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,420 It's shit, isn't it? You look adorable. 159 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:38,980 It looks fantastic. 160 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,420 My creation has come to life. 161 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,160 I have to tell everyone. 162 00:06:42,940 --> 00:06:48,060 All staff to dressing. No, mate, come on. You look amazing. I really fancy you 163 00:06:48,060 --> 00:06:48,559 in that. 164 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:50,700 Do you? Yeah. Put the glasses on. 165 00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:56,780 I'm going to take it off now. 166 00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:59,660 Not yet. You're like my wet dream. I need to get a photo. 167 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:01,620 Come on, Sammy. Smile. 168 00:07:03,030 --> 00:07:04,610 Hands off, everyone. He's mine. 169 00:07:05,030 --> 00:07:09,630 Simon, can I have a word about Kerry? Now, who has done this to you? 170 00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:12,210 I ate the picture of you. Geek Chic was last year. 171 00:07:12,610 --> 00:07:13,990 In a way, it was a compliment. 172 00:07:14,230 --> 00:07:15,530 I'd never been called Chic before. 173 00:07:16,050 --> 00:07:18,450 What is it with fucking girls? They think shoppers distance are their 174 00:07:18,450 --> 00:07:21,030 friends. They're not. You've just met them and they're trying to sell you 175 00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:24,730 stuff. Look, I think before this goes any further, you need to tell Tara that 176 00:07:24,730 --> 00:07:26,290 Kerry isn't my type. What does that mean? 177 00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:30,010 You've only kissed three girls. Your type is anyone who'll let you. All 178 00:07:30,010 --> 00:07:31,010 right, fine. Look. 179 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,440 I don't want to seem really shallow, but she's a bit big. 180 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:36,779 Is she? 181 00:07:36,780 --> 00:07:39,740 Oh, did it escape your notice she's a giant? So she's tall. 182 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,200 Come on, you're always saying how desperate you are. Do you honestly think 183 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,199 you'll get better? 184 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,840 Yes, I'd have thought so. 185 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:49,220 Really? May I remind you of Charlotte Hinchcliffe? She went out with me and 186 00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:51,580 she was not only fit and popular, but also normal-sized. 187 00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:55,320 OK, so Kerry might not be the fittest girl ever, but she'll almost certainly 188 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,940 give you a blowjob if you stick with it. Oh, God, I know. 189 00:07:58,220 --> 00:08:00,320 My head's telling me one thing and my cock another. 190 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:01,800 It's a genuine dilemma. 191 00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:04,260 I mean, is using her for sex totally unethical? 192 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,200 She's offering to put your penis in her mouth, not pay you to ask questions in 193 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,180 Parliament. You'd like a blowjob, wouldn't you? 194 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:10,620 Yes, obviously. 195 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,700 Oh, God, this is a fucking nightmare. 196 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,240 And having Neil and Jay follow us around isn't helping. 197 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:19,960 What? Are you going to come out, then? I can't see you. You're not even hiding. 198 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,840 Your new girlfriend's big, isn't she? She's not my girlfriend. 199 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,500 No, she's fucking Canary Wolf. 200 00:08:24,820 --> 00:08:26,600 You can bring your girlfriend to my birthday, if you like, Will. 201 00:08:26,820 --> 00:08:27,820 Is that a joke? 202 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,420 No, it'll help push the numbers up. It'll help push the height up. Thanks, 203 00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:33,500 Simon. So, has she given you a blower yet, then? Here in Waterside? Oh, yeah, 204 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,179 Neil, I've had two. One on the escalator and one in Nando's. 205 00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:38,220 Really? No, Neil, not really. 206 00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:41,620 You're going to go for it then? I mean, she's a freak, but there's nothing like 207 00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:44,260 a blowjob. And you'd know because you've had so many blowjobs. 208 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,420 Yeah. When was your first then, Jay? Oh, long time back. 209 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:49,580 Many suck jobs ago now. Years. 210 00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:51,220 Years ago? 211 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,380 Bollocks. I got one off the cleaner when I was 12. 212 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,440 Who was your cleaner? Gary Glitter? Was he good? 213 00:08:55,780 --> 00:08:56,780 Oh, he was brilliant, mate. 214 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,720 I pissed right in her mouth. What? 215 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,300 Why would you do that? Is that even possible? 216 00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:04,180 Yes. That's how you finish blowjobs. 217 00:09:04,420 --> 00:09:07,280 And she said I was the best she'd ever had. Three mouthfuls of piss. Thought 218 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,420 she had to get on with the hoovering. 219 00:09:08,830 --> 00:09:10,210 Oh, hi, guys. Hi. 220 00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:13,730 Come on, Simon, we'd better get going. We don't want to miss the film. Yeah, 221 00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:14,770 we're off too, actually. 222 00:09:14,790 --> 00:09:15,790 Oh, no. 223 00:09:15,830 --> 00:09:17,310 You off to get a zing a tower meal? 224 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:21,130 It was clear that tonight wasn't about me at all, and if he thought it would 225 00:09:21,130 --> 00:09:24,550 make Tara happy, Simon would have set me up on a blind date with a plastic bag 226 00:09:24,550 --> 00:09:25,550 full of his own shit. 227 00:09:25,750 --> 00:09:27,710 I don't think she's that bad, just a bit big. 228 00:09:28,070 --> 00:09:29,290 Oh, that one's meant to be awesome. 229 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:30,689 Completed it. 230 00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:31,810 That one came out last week. 231 00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:33,070 Completed it. 232 00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:34,069 What about this? 233 00:09:34,070 --> 00:09:35,049 Championship manager. 234 00:09:35,050 --> 00:09:35,909 Completed it, mate. 235 00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:36,910 We can't complete it. 236 00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:41,130 Yeah, I know, but I got so good here that the FA offered me a role in the 237 00:09:41,130 --> 00:09:42,370 England set-up. Did they? 238 00:09:42,570 --> 00:09:45,950 I took Woking from the conference to the Champions League in six seasons. 239 00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:47,790 Stuff like that doesn't go unnoticed, Neil. 240 00:09:48,910 --> 00:09:49,970 Hey, Jay, look at this. 241 00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,490 Nice people swallow. 242 00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:53,990 Mean spunk. 243 00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:56,230 Yeah. What about this one? 244 00:09:56,810 --> 00:09:58,010 Honk if you want a blowjob. 245 00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:01,350 We should stick it on Kerry. She loves giving blowjobs. We'd have to get a 246 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:02,209 bigger one. 247 00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,210 Yeah, a good one. 248 00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:05,130 Actually, I know where this should go. 249 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,500 After becoming possibly the first people ever to actually laugh at a bumper 250 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:11,900 sticker, Jay and Neil's day got even better when they saw something rare and 251 00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:13,020 exotic in the shopping centre. 252 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:14,560 Hey, Jay, look. 253 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,040 Fucking hell, what's he doing here? 254 00:10:17,540 --> 00:10:18,720 Dunno. Shopping. 255 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:21,820 Gilbert. 256 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:25,840 Gilbert! 257 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,260 A few years ago, I'd seen King Kong at the cinema. 258 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,180 Now, I was on a date with her. 259 00:10:34,830 --> 00:10:36,210 This is very violent. 260 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:37,470 Yeah. 261 00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:41,230 Do you feel all right? With the blood? 262 00:10:41,490 --> 00:10:42,490 Yes. Shush. 263 00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:44,330 Are you OK? 264 00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:45,750 Fine, thanks, yeah. 265 00:10:45,950 --> 00:10:46,950 Bit hot. 266 00:10:46,990 --> 00:10:49,030 Remember, it's not real. 267 00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:53,650 Kerry's attempt to comfort me with her massive hand did exactly the opposite. 268 00:10:53,730 --> 00:10:56,250 There was no way out. The horror. The hand. 269 00:10:56,530 --> 00:11:01,410 The horror. The hand! It was all too much. I told Simon I didn't like blood. 270 00:11:01,790 --> 00:11:03,570 Sorry, I think I need to get some air. 271 00:11:09,089 --> 00:11:10,089 Really faint. 272 00:11:14,530 --> 00:11:18,170 Fuck off! He's scared of blood! 273 00:11:20,950 --> 00:11:21,950 Oh, dear. 274 00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:25,730 I'll say this for Carrie. She made a great human popcorn shield. 275 00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,930 Meanwhile, by the time he'd driven Tara home, Simon was getting withdrawal 276 00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:32,550 symptoms because he'd gone more than five minutes without sticking his tongue 277 00:11:32,550 --> 00:11:33,550 down her throat. 278 00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:35,170 Well, I think that went really well. 279 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:39,240 I could tell Kerry likes him. She's amazing, isn't she? So beautiful. 280 00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:41,740 Yeah, sort of. She's quite tall. 281 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:43,020 What do you mean? 282 00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:47,560 Oh, no, what are they doing? They know about me, all right? Totally, hence the 283 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:48,560 welcome party. 284 00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:51,820 Simon, this is my mum and dad, who happen to be stepping outside the front 285 00:11:51,820 --> 00:11:53,360 door for no reason, just as we arrive. 286 00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:57,160 Hello, Simon, I'm Tara's mum. She's told me all about you. Hello. Whereas because 287 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:00,680 I'm Tara's father, she's told me virtually nothing about you. 288 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,060 Oh, she doesn't really know very much about me. 289 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,350 Not that there's anything bad to know. 290 00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:06,810 It's your car, is it? 291 00:12:07,170 --> 00:12:10,810 At least you're not driving my daughter around in some souped-up death trap. Oh, 292 00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:14,110 no, it's just the stopgap, really. Trying to get enough money together to 293 00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:15,110 buy something less crap. 294 00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:17,950 Mum and Dad don't like swearing, Simon. 295 00:12:18,230 --> 00:12:19,230 Oh, sorry. 296 00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:20,250 What did I say? 297 00:12:20,550 --> 00:12:21,550 Oh, crap? 298 00:12:21,630 --> 00:12:22,850 Is crap a swear word? 299 00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:24,510 Crap? 300 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:27,650 Let's just err on the side of caution on that one, shall we? 301 00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:29,430 Yeah, sorry. 302 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:30,950 It's OK. 303 00:12:31,979 --> 00:12:34,800 Look, someone's got a funny bumper sticker. What does this one say? 304 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,940 Honk if you want to... What? 305 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:40,919 That's not mine. 306 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:41,960 Well, it's on your car. 307 00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:45,980 Dad, can you just go inside, please? Mum, tell him. It's all right, Simon. I 308 00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:47,180 can see it's meant to be a joke. 309 00:12:47,580 --> 00:12:50,900 I literally have no idea how they got there. It's just not very funny, though, 310 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:51,659 is it? 311 00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:54,420 I mean, why would you want to drive around with that on the back of your 312 00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:56,000 car? It just makes you look dirty. 313 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,139 I'm not. 314 00:12:57,140 --> 00:13:00,120 I mean, it's not like I'm obsessed with blowjobs or cocks. 315 00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:02,310 Honestly, I'm not. 316 00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:04,870 Say goodnight to Simon, Tara. 317 00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:14,290 So while Simon struggled to get rid of something impossibly clingy, so did I. I 318 00:13:14,290 --> 00:13:15,730 don't think they should have thrown stuff. 319 00:13:16,070 --> 00:13:19,630 What kind of a person throws stuff at another person when that person isn't 320 00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:20,630 feeling very well? 321 00:13:21,030 --> 00:13:23,650 Anyway, thanks, Kerry, but I think I meant to walk you home. 322 00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:25,630 I want to make sure you get home safely. 323 00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:29,990 Yep, well, here I am, so thank you. 324 00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:33,050 You can kiss me goodnight if you want to. 325 00:13:34,050 --> 00:13:35,050 Oh. 326 00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:37,590 Er... OK. 327 00:13:39,030 --> 00:13:40,030 Right. 328 00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:47,790 Right, well, better go. Goodnight, then. Get home safely. 329 00:13:48,190 --> 00:13:49,310 Nah, that's enough for tonight. 330 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:51,930 Kiss me one more time. 331 00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:53,230 No, night, Kerry. 332 00:13:53,630 --> 00:13:56,550 OK, I ran away, but she's still going on my kiss list. 333 00:13:56,850 --> 00:13:58,310 Number four, Big Kerry. 334 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:08,060 Considering it had the combined brain power of Jay and Neil behind it, the 335 00:14:08,060 --> 00:14:11,820 blowjob sticker joker worked amazingly well. It's impossible to get off. Tara's 336 00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:12,820 dad was really angry. 337 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:15,160 I'm going to have to get the car re-sprayed, I reckon. Try and pick a 338 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:16,180 less shit colour. Brilliant. 339 00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:19,220 How's your girlfriend, Will? If you mean Kerry, she's not my girlfriend. 340 00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:22,120 I don't think she's changed her Facebook status to win a relationship, then. Has 341 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,380 she? How did you find her on Facebook? 342 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,300 It's easy when you know where to look. Which is in the group for lanky munters. 343 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,060 Mate, I reckon it's all good. 344 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,300 Tara told me something very interesting about Kerry. She bangs her head wherever 345 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,300 she goes. No. 346 00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:35,300 She told me you kissed her last night. 347 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,000 Did you use a fucking stab ladder? 348 00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:39,560 No. Why did you do it? I thought you weren't interested. 349 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,760 Oh, I don't know. I can't decide. 350 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:45,340 And at that moment, it was easier to kiss her than to not kiss her. Were you 351 00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:46,340 scared? A bit. 352 00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:48,160 Sounds to me like you're closing in on that BJ. 353 00:14:48,740 --> 00:14:50,120 Maybe it'll even happen at Neil's party. 354 00:14:50,380 --> 00:14:53,640 No, no, I think it's all wrong. I'm going to de-invite her from the party. 355 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,820 Oh, no way, she's got to come. I need to get the numbers up. Were you free in 356 00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:57,900 Tara? I'm stuck on five. 357 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,560 Four. But if Kerry comes as well, that'll make it six. 358 00:15:01,140 --> 00:15:04,380 Five. Taking her to the party is a bit like admitting we're going out, when all 359 00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:05,920 I really want from her is a blowjob. 360 00:15:06,180 --> 00:15:07,320 It would be morally wrong. 361 00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:09,860 Look, why not just get the blowjob and then see how you feel? 362 00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:13,600 I've got an idea. Why not get the blowie, ask for a fuck, if she says no, 363 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,340 then dump her. Brilliant. Well, I'd like to thank everyone for their fucking 364 00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:17,299 useless advice. 365 00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:18,019 Thank you. 366 00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:20,820 I don't know what your problem is. I've never been out with a girl I liked 367 00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,680 anyway. What, apart from the last one who made you cry? 368 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,620 Well... Oh, that is bang out of order. 369 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,020 What? After everything he's said? 370 00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:29,960 Yeah, but some things just aren't OK. 371 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,180 You alright, Jay? 372 00:15:32,220 --> 00:15:33,220 Yeah, I'm fine. 373 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,320 Apologise. For that? 374 00:15:35,780 --> 00:15:36,780 Yes, for that. 375 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,060 Well, I've literally no idea what the rules are, then. 376 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:41,480 Oi, Jay. Jay. 377 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,040 Waterside. Waterside. 378 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:46,600 What did you say? 379 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:48,560 Nothing. 380 00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,000 Right. A week's after school detention. 381 00:15:51,340 --> 00:15:52,500 For both of you. Oh, what? 382 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:53,979 Two weeks. 383 00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:55,540 Come on, sir. Three weeks? 384 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,440 But, sir... Four weeks detention? 385 00:16:02,180 --> 00:16:03,180 Starting tonight. 386 00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:04,420 See you later. 387 00:16:05,980 --> 00:16:07,380 Oh, fucking hell. 388 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:08,940 I'm now going to be late to my party. 389 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:13,020 Right, OK, I've made up my mind. You're right. Maybe a blowjob is worth it. 390 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,040 I'm going to play the long game with Kerry. Just make sure you don't play the 391 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,220 tall game. She'd win every time. Because she's tall. 392 00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:19,860 Yes, I get it. 393 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:25,860 That evening, as we stared at Neil's impossibly attractive sister, two 394 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:26,880 thoughts crossed my mind. 395 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,260 Surely she must be adopted, and could this party get any worse? 396 00:16:30,780 --> 00:16:32,800 Turns out, it could. Oh, I say. 397 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:37,000 What must you think of me racing round the house in my briefs like we're at 398 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,900 some sort of Roman orgy? 399 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:43,640 Neil will be back in a minute. He's just finishing off up after jazz club. 400 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,080 OK. 401 00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:48,040 You know, it's not fancy dress, Simon. I'm not in fancy dress. 402 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,420 It's a new look for Simon. I chose it. 403 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:53,700 You should get your girlfriend to dress you too, Will. You look like shit. 404 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,220 She's really rude to you. 405 00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,560 Did you two have a thing? What, with Katie? 406 00:16:59,820 --> 00:17:00,820 He wishes. 407 00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:02,300 I don't understand. 408 00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:05,200 Come on, Kezza, let's go and get our men some more drinks. 409 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,040 Lager for William. 410 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:13,599 Maybe the cheap French beer will numb the shame of being seen in public with 411 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,420 her. Oh, come on, it's fine. She's nice. 412 00:17:15,839 --> 00:17:19,060 Is the definition of nice someone who's a bit boring and embarrassing and much 413 00:17:19,060 --> 00:17:19,939 taller than you? 414 00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:22,380 Aye, aye, Si. You didn't tell me you'd join JLS. 415 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,180 Brilliant. And you've come as a nerd. 416 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,460 Yes, very droll. He's bigfoot here, you know, your girlfriend. 417 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:32,180 Oh, God, I can't go through with it. I don't fancy Kerry and I can't keep 418 00:17:32,180 --> 00:17:34,620 stringing her along. It's not right, is it? Or is it? 419 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,120 That's nice. 420 00:17:36,580 --> 00:17:38,540 Fucking Donovan did it. He pinned me down in detention. 421 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,060 Oh, Neil, what is that monstrosity? 422 00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:43,320 It was an accident. You remember, I fell off the garage. 423 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,780 No, not the cast. What's on it? Cover it up. Your granny's going to be here in a 424 00:17:46,780 --> 00:17:47,780 minute. 425 00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:50,080 Neil. I thought we would have liked it. 426 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,000 Why? Well, it's covered in cocks. 427 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:53,660 Behave. How was detention? 428 00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:56,850 It was alright apart from that. I even managed to give out a couple of invites. 429 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:57,869 Did you? 430 00:17:57,870 --> 00:18:00,470 Yeah, whilst you were getting changed. I told them to be here early, so that 431 00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:01,429 should be them now. 432 00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:03,510 Oh, please be fit. Please be fit. 433 00:18:06,090 --> 00:18:08,570 Hello. Brilliant. It's a brilliant freak party. 434 00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:12,690 Say what you like, but with these two, us four and your girlfriends, that's got 435 00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:13,690 me up to the magic ten. 436 00:18:14,290 --> 00:18:15,290 Eight. 437 00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:16,870 Oh, shit. 438 00:18:17,070 --> 00:18:18,990 Neil, is it okay if I brush my teeth? 439 00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:20,590 No, it is not. 440 00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:23,450 Well, Big John and David made it official. 441 00:18:23,980 --> 00:18:26,320 Neil's was the worst 18th birthday party ever. 442 00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:29,660 Unless you were Simon. 443 00:18:30,660 --> 00:18:31,660 Oh, get a room. 444 00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:32,919 Sorry, mate. 445 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,820 Actually, can we use your room? Depends. What for? 446 00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:36,060 What do you think? 447 00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:39,640 You've lost me. I want to spend some time alone and not in your kitchen with 448 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:43,040 Tara. Oh, right. Time together, yeah? What for? 449 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,000 Neil. Oh, right. That. 450 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,940 Oh, go on then. Cheers, mate. 451 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,880 Oh, try not to spunk on the sheets. 452 00:18:52,970 --> 00:18:54,170 Do you want any more crisps, Gran? 453 00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:58,070 And I was left with Kerry, who might give me a blowjob, but might also 454 00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,010 swallow the rest of me. Oh, there you are. 455 00:19:04,270 --> 00:19:05,810 Oh, sorry. 456 00:19:06,130 --> 00:19:07,130 Am I a lump? 457 00:19:07,350 --> 00:19:09,570 No. Why don't you come and sit on my lap instead? 458 00:19:10,010 --> 00:19:11,110 Spend your room to both sit down. 459 00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:12,790 OK, Mr Grump Grumps. 460 00:19:13,490 --> 00:19:15,570 Kerry, um, we need to talk. 461 00:19:15,770 --> 00:19:16,770 We are talking. 462 00:19:16,810 --> 00:19:18,950 No, not here. In private. 463 00:19:19,350 --> 00:19:20,350 Oh, good. 464 00:19:20,430 --> 00:19:21,430 More kissing. 465 00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:25,900 You're a really good kisser. Am I a bad kisser? I bet I'm a rubbish kisser, 466 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,760 aren't I? Do you think I'm a good kisser, then? OK, Kerry, I'm really 467 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:29,940 sorry to do this. What? 468 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:31,280 We're not going out. 469 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,320 Yes, we are. No, we aren't. I don't want to be a boyfriend, and if anyone asks, I 470 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:36,320 never was, all right? 471 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:37,560 Oh. 472 00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,360 That didn't come out perfectly, but you know what I mean. 473 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:41,680 I'll give you a blowjob. 474 00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:45,800 I'm sure that you will, Kerry, but I just can't accept. Is it because I'm a 475 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:46,800 bit taller than you? 476 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:49,680 No. 477 00:19:57,870 --> 00:19:58,870 Calm down. 478 00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:00,150 You can't be that upset. 479 00:20:01,810 --> 00:20:03,170 We were never really going out. 480 00:20:03,590 --> 00:20:04,890 We only met the other day. 481 00:20:08,170 --> 00:20:09,610 She just had some bad news. 482 00:20:12,730 --> 00:20:14,350 Hope, Will and Kerry are getting on OK. 483 00:20:16,370 --> 00:20:19,490 She's such a sweetheart and she's had such a rough time. 484 00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:22,830 I'd love it if she met someone really nice. What do you think? 485 00:20:23,350 --> 00:20:24,350 Yeah, definitely. 486 00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:25,750 Does Will really like her? 487 00:20:26,170 --> 00:20:27,170 Whatever you want. 488 00:20:27,590 --> 00:20:31,370 I said, does Will really like her? Can we not talk about Will right now? It's 489 00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:32,370 putting me off. 490 00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:36,270 Oh, God, that sounded like Kerry. 491 00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:40,950 Better go and check she's OK. I'm sure she's fine. Simon, you know what she's 492 00:20:40,950 --> 00:20:41,950 been through. 493 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:47,170 Oh, for fuck's sake, well, don't fucking bother starting me off if you're not 494 00:20:47,170 --> 00:20:48,049 going to finish it. 495 00:20:48,050 --> 00:20:49,130 Sorry, did you say something? 496 00:20:49,470 --> 00:20:50,470 No. 497 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,160 That's not strictly true, is it, Kerry? 498 00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:02,240 He tried to have sex with me and then he dumped me. Is that correct, Kerry? 499 00:21:02,540 --> 00:21:04,240 You should be ashamed of yourself. 500 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:05,339 For what? 501 00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:09,540 I've actually been really nice. You took advantage of her. No, I didn't. I think 502 00:21:09,540 --> 00:21:10,540 that's pretty low. 503 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:11,760 Do you really? 504 00:21:12,220 --> 00:21:14,220 Tom, are you OK, Kezza? 505 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,820 He dumped me. 506 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,900 No, I couldn't have because we were never going out. 507 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:20,600 You... 508 00:21:25,330 --> 00:21:27,450 Especially after everything Kerry's been through. 509 00:21:27,710 --> 00:21:30,190 It hasn't been an easy ride for me either, trying to stay out of her 510 00:21:30,190 --> 00:21:32,430 clutches. Her dad died last month. 511 00:21:37,390 --> 00:21:38,390 Well, that's awful. 512 00:21:39,290 --> 00:21:40,290 Obviously. 513 00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:44,950 But not. Not what? 514 00:21:45,770 --> 00:21:51,470 Well, it's not... It's not relevant, is it? You disgust me. 515 00:21:51,730 --> 00:21:53,070 I think you should leave. 516 00:21:53,470 --> 00:21:54,470 But I've done nothing wrong. 517 00:21:54,550 --> 00:21:57,730 The dad timing is unfortunate, but it's not my fault. 518 00:21:57,930 --> 00:22:00,550 If you're interested in the truth, Kerry hands out blowjobs like they're going 519 00:22:00,550 --> 00:22:02,930 out of fashion, and by all accounts, I'm one of the only people to have turned 520 00:22:02,930 --> 00:22:03,930 her down. 521 00:22:04,010 --> 00:22:05,010 Well, 522 00:22:05,550 --> 00:22:07,030 I want you to leave. 523 00:22:07,270 --> 00:22:10,190 What, for turning down oral sex from the Empire State Building? 524 00:22:10,450 --> 00:22:13,870 For trying to let her down gently rather than placing my glands into her stupid, 525 00:22:13,930 --> 00:22:14,909 boring mouth? 526 00:22:14,910 --> 00:22:18,470 Well, I want you to leave my house and never come back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 527 00:22:21,170 --> 00:22:22,170 What's going on? 528 00:22:22,350 --> 00:22:25,430 I've been told to leave for dumping a girl I wasn't going out with. Oh, fuck. 529 00:22:25,690 --> 00:22:28,310 And by the way, did you not think it important to mention at any stage that 530 00:22:28,310 --> 00:22:29,390 Kerry's dad had died? 531 00:22:29,830 --> 00:22:31,170 Oh, shit, yeah, I forgot. 532 00:22:31,510 --> 00:22:34,010 Didn't forget about the blowjobs, though, did you? Oh, no. 533 00:22:34,290 --> 00:22:36,990 You were all about the blowjobs, couldn't stop going on about the 534 00:22:36,990 --> 00:22:40,150 blowjobs, but the dead dad, that just slipped your mind. Well, thanks very 535 00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:41,470 much, Simon. See you at school, mate. 536 00:22:42,770 --> 00:22:46,070 To be fair to Simon, I'd have probably forgotten my own mother's name if Tara 537 00:22:46,070 --> 00:22:47,110 had been wanking me off. 538 00:22:47,970 --> 00:22:49,110 Life is so unfair. 539 00:22:50,130 --> 00:22:50,989 Yes, and? 540 00:22:50,990 --> 00:22:54,310 Neil's dad phoned my mum and I've been grounded for three weeks and I did 541 00:22:54,310 --> 00:22:55,710 nothing wrong. Not nothing? 542 00:22:55,930 --> 00:22:56,930 Yes, nothing. 543 00:22:57,050 --> 00:22:59,730 If anything, I did the right thing by not letting her give me a blowjob. 544 00:22:59,970 --> 00:23:02,670 You didn't handle it brilliantly, though, did you? OK, so right and wrong 545 00:23:02,670 --> 00:23:04,430 don't matter, it's all about presentation, is it? 546 00:23:04,630 --> 00:23:05,630 It's like with me and Gilbert. 547 00:23:05,870 --> 00:23:09,490 I did nothing and I get a month's detentions. You did say waterside. Yes, 548 00:23:09,590 --> 00:23:13,350 nothing. It's not offensive, it's not a swear word. Yeah, but... Yeah, but what? 549 00:23:13,710 --> 00:23:16,710 What? Do I have to draw you a fucking picture? I said Waterside and I got a 550 00:23:16,710 --> 00:23:18,270 month's detentions. How is that fair? 551 00:23:18,570 --> 00:23:20,150 Anyway, sorry for ruining your birthday, Neil. 552 00:23:20,370 --> 00:23:21,269 No, not at all. 553 00:23:21,270 --> 00:23:22,270 It was awesome. 554 00:23:22,670 --> 00:23:23,670 Was it? Yeah. 555 00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:26,670 After you guys left and me dad went to bed, Kerry gave me a blowy upstairs. 556 00:23:27,390 --> 00:23:28,390 What? Did she? 557 00:23:28,530 --> 00:23:30,930 Because Tara said... Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Fuck off! 558 00:23:31,330 --> 00:23:33,430 Tara said she was still really upset about it the next day. 559 00:23:33,670 --> 00:23:34,750 Well, yeah, that was the only downside. 560 00:23:35,030 --> 00:23:36,790 She was still crying a little bit on the first one. 561 00:23:37,150 --> 00:23:38,150 Oh, God. 562 00:23:39,340 --> 00:23:42,860 It may not have been extravagant, but Neil will always remember his 18th. 563 00:23:43,020 --> 00:23:47,420 Mainly because Jay drove his mum's gift into a wall, Simon ejaculated on his 564 00:23:47,420 --> 00:23:50,200 duvet, and I ruined the evening by comparing the grieving girl I was 565 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,500 supposedly seeing to an immense, cocksucking American landmark. 566 00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:18,470 Whaaat?